She Left a Lotta Love Behind

A few weeks ago, my Nana passed away. It was time. She had alzheimers for quite some time and it was almost too much to bear watching her demise. My grandad was so tired. My mom was too. It was just time for her to go. It was my first grandparent to die. She was a very very special person to me. I am struggling with a lot of guilt right now though. I feel so guilty for just not being a better grandchild when she was sick. I should have visited more. Just done more. But all of those feelings aside, this past month, I have also had just such a special time with the Lord. He has brought me into a new realm of our relationship. I won't go into to detail here because I have it all documented elsewhere.
I also got to spend lots of time with my extended family while we gathered at her passing. My cousins were my best friends growing up. Most of them have children of their own now. I was soooo blessed to be able to watch our children play together. I think one of my uncles said it best, "It's like watching a home movies from the past" as all our our kids look just like we did! There was so much food and laughter. It really was so soothing to my soul.

The last night everyone was there, the women all went thru Nana's jewelry. While nothing was of particular great value, I was able to cherish her by taking home some very sentimental pieces. It was so surreal. Although we were all gathered in one room for a sad event, I felt so at home. It was such a familiar feeling. I really did not want it to end. Nana would have been so pleased to have us all there.