First Heart Break

Maybe you remember a similar scenario: You go up to school before it starts to see who's class you are in. You scan the list and see your best friend's name on one list. And your other friend. Another. You frantically search for your name, but it's no where in sight. You are on the other list. In the other class. The one with all the dorks. The one with the teacher who has a weird last name like Groce (pronounced: Gross). Remember how you felt? Now try to think of how your mom felt. That is me today. Please know that as I write this, the sillier I feel. But if I may be quite vulnerable with you, I have cried more in the past two days than I have in literally two years. Actually, I have not cried in two years period. Not a good one. An ugly sob. The one where your eyes hurt for a couple of days afterward. Tristan actually has never seen me cry and went ballistic. Yep. All over stupid Mother's Day Out drama. I knew there had to be drama.
As most of you know from a previous post I did in April, I am not 100% keen to the idea of needing MDO. But eventually, I got sucked in to the "social needs" speech everyone gives you regarding tots. I was also very excited and on board once I found out he would be in his best friend, Creighton's class along with his cousin and 2 other friends from playgroup. Ok, I feel better about that. They told me he would be the youngest in there and asked if that was Ok. No prob. Long story long, we were out in the boonies this weekend where I had no cell reception. Well, when I got my message Sunday evening that my MDO teacher called to tell me what class Mug would be in, I quickly realized things were not as I expected. Tristan had been moved to a different class. I know no one in his class. This is not normal for me. I have called everyone I know in town who has a child similar in age. Nope. Nope. Nope. Heartbreak. More because I don't need a break. Also, because I had actually gotten excited at the idea for Tristan to have a fun day with friends. This is strictly voluntary. If it were a normal kindergarten thing, I would say, sorry, everyone goes thru this, but YOU HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL. I feel like I am abandoning him to strangers for no reason. My initial response is not to go. Here it is 12 hours before he goes and I am still debating. I also don't want to be that mom. You know, the psycho. This is really MY feelings of hurt, not his. Still, it would be so much easier to drop him off knowing it was purely fun...no tears. I know that will not be the case, which breaks my heart even more. Anyway, here his back pack, lunch box and nap mat(which is a joke in and of itself...I am sure there will be more posts on that subject alone) sits, awaiting school tomorrow. We even went shopping for a new outfit and going to school books. All in effort of course, to cheer ME up. I realize the trivialness in all of this. The situation is pretty ridiculous even as I read over what I am writing. I always try not to be this person and usually succeed. There are so many more hurts in the world, this is not one. Still, for some reason, this struck me so hard. Perhaps, I can play my "I'm a pregnant emotinal basket case" card at this point? Sheesh. I better shape up for when real school starts. This is exhausting. So, the question now is, will he stay or will he go???