Tuesday, July 15, 2008

A Few New Firsts

Here, my friends, is Tristan's first real scraped knee. I mean a huge scab and all. You can't really tell how big it is in this picture, but it is a good one. He fell on the cement while watching our friend's football camp practice. Of course, daddy was so proud that no tears were shed...only blood. This next one is of Tristan's first barber shop hair cut. Usually my dear friend, Melissa, trims it up for him, but he has caught onto her and needs more wrangling. He bawled when we sat him in the chair I don't even know why! It was like he knew his hair was getting cut and it made him sad. It was too funny not to capture...isn't that horrible of me?
However, it was nothing a blue, raspberry lolli could not fix....
The last one I do not have a picture of because it is his first spanking. Yep, so sad. He ran out into the street after I asked him once not to. The ol' saying, "this hurts me worse than it hurts you", was right. I felt terrible. Brent and I had a long discussion on the way home from Houston about how it was time to start really disciplining him. He can for sure understand now. Better now than never. He ran into the street. I told him DO NOT run into the street or you are getting a spanking. He looked at me and darted out. I picked him up, put him back in the driveway, sat him down and said, "you are going to get a spanking because you ran into the street when mommy asked you not to." Spank. He ran off crying for daddy! I don't believe in the "I'm gonna count to 3" method. I then went to him and gave him a hug and said, "mommy loves you very much and she does not want you to get hurt if you run in the street, ok?"
Now, I know spanking is not the answer in every case and I know all kids respond to different punishments. I am going to start implementing the "time-out" as well when needed. I also want to say that I DO NOT believe in punishing in anger or out of anger. I think you need to explain the spanking and what it is for as well as time-out, etc. when you, yourself have cooled off from being angry or frustrated. Without getting into an ugly, accusing debate, I would love to know what your thoughts are on the subject matter of discipline and what you believe. Please no rude or condescending comments--everyone be mature! Maybe something worked for you that you want to share, or you just have a strong opinion either way...

19 comments:

aWare said...

I can totally relate to the whole spanking thing! We spanked Harry today for going out into the street, it was his 3rd spanking. He now runs as close as he can to it! Tristan is so stinkin' cutE! My next trip down we will have to meet that sweet guy! Lauren and Kimberly said some of the nicest things about you! They made the kind of comments that make me want to be you friend too!

Page said...

Well, I was certainly spanked as a child and got the "it hurts me more than it hurts you" said to me many times! I totally believe in your method exactly...spanking when necessary, explaining it to them in advance and afterwards, never punishing when angry and time out as well. That is pretty much exactly how I hope to parent one day!
And I will say that I have some friends who do not believe in punishment, only positive reinforcement, and their kids (6 and 4) are TERRIBLE! No body ever wants them in their house or around their children! It has taught me alot about how I will NOT parent! LOL!

Corrie said...

I was a spanked child. I learned really quickly that when my parents asked me not to do something that they REALLY meant it. My brother didn't learn as quickly as I did (crazy boy!) but my mom said that I benefitted from some of his spankings! Ha!

A few weekends ago, I was around a BUNCH of young kids. They were all between 1 1/2 and 5. It was painfully obvious which ones were disciplined by their parents and which ones were allowed to just do whatever they wanted! That experience just made me more determined to teach my child to understand that she needs to do as I ask (for her safety and well-being).
Way to go, Nickster. I know it has to be hard to spank Tristan, but you know in your heart that he has to learn to mind you and Brent. He'll thank you one day! :)

walkers said...

oh spanking. I was so on the fence about the issue-probably that social worker in me. We read an awesome book, "Shepherding a Child's heart" by Tedd Tripp- highly recommend. He is a bit dogmatic about spanking itself, but I do think the main message that you are not just dealing with behavior but the heart is key. Also I think spanking done right and not in anger, as you said, restores relationship quickly- I know with Keller, if he disobeys and is disciplined, ie spanked, we tell him what his "offense" was, tell him we are going to spank, spank, hug and pray and then it's done. It is such an act of faith at this stage I think we will not really see the fruit of it for a while but I really think God is honored by our faith and desire to train our children to obey us and in the long run teaching them to obey God. Tristan, Reese and all of your children will be blessed because of your desire to honor God and discipline them well. love ya'll.

Jennifer said...

Nicki, I completely agree with your discipline philosophy! Being a teacher and having to deal with children who were never disciplined was so difficult, and I always appreciated parents who loved their children enough to truly teach them right from wrong in effective ways. I also think you are starting at a great time. The longer you wait, the harder it is to reinforce what you want from the kids. I'm proud of you, girl, and Tristan's teachers will really appreciate it, too!

Kylie said...

We take Hudson to Sport Clips, too. They usually are the most patient and do the best job. Now Hudson actually wants to go because he knows he gets a sucker!

Spanking is rare, rare, rare at our house but it is always necessary for running into the street or anything else like that. I do not take parking lots and streets lightly! Hudson ran out into the parking lot at the library the other day after I told him to stop. He got spanked then and there. He stops now when I say so :)And understands that the street is very dangerous, which is the point!

JTapp said...

Agree wholeheartedly with the Walkers comment about Shepherding a Child's Heart. Sounds like you're already following its basic principles. Talking with them about how the disobedience to you offends God is a key part, too.

We're not there yet, of course, but we like to think we'll be ready when the time comes!

Northcutt Family said...

Hi Nikki! I found your blog through some friends (Brittney P. and Summer S.) and I went to Baylor as well. I think my son, Reid, is around Tristan's age, and we're going through the same type of discipline questions that you are! I'm with you - I plan on using spanking in dangerous situations - running in the street, etc. Luckily we haven't really had to do that yet, but I know it's coming. Discipline is a lot harder than I thought it would be!

I've checked in on you a few times and always enjoy reading! (I promise I'm not a weird blog stalker!)
:) Meredith

A Konzelman said...

Aaron and I firmly believe it when the bible says: "He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently" (prov.13:24)
I love and completely agree with explaining before and after discipline. Grace seems to grasp the gravity of the situation when we do that.

Kelly said...

Ok, we spank at our house, but we use time out a lot, otherwise, I feel like I would spank A LOT. We spank for serious things like "harmful to herself, and now lately harmful to Caleb". He turns 1 this Sunday, so he is mobile, and definitely into her stuff and she gets upset about it. She is 2 and 9mos, so she knows right from wrong, now it's just more into testing boundaries I think (like do I really have to obey you)...she's figuring out who/what authority is.

The latest thing is...how do we discipline when she is simply being defiant. I mean, it's really frustrating...but I think using time out for that is best.....who knows. It's hard, but discipline is so important....I mean Christ disciplines those he loves, and he wants us to obey Him.

Hang in there, discipline gets a little harder when more children are added to the bunch : )
Kelly

The Johnstons said...

we're completely in line and agree with your disciplining ways. we're actually about to start all that with parker as well. fun, fun!

Melissa said...

Aww discipline. Yep, running into the street after being told not to would definitely earn a spanking here. Carson's first spanking was for sticking his head through the stair rails at my mom's house after being told not to. I second you on your methods. Spanking always comes after the parent is calm, and always with explanation and understanding, followed by praying and love. I think the last parts are especially important so that they know that things are normal again and grudges aren't held. (This is a part Cary never got as a child and it's taken him a long time to repair.) It's worked here so far. Our general rule of thumb is that spankings are received for straight disobedience, meaning we instruct them not to do something, or to do something, and they outright disobey the instruction. Timeouts are used for general disobedience, tantrums, bad behavior, fighting and things like that. Now that Carson is a little older, I've also added in repairing any damage caused. Like if he made a huge mess in the process of disobedience, then he gets to help clean it up. He gets so frustrated over that one, but he has to understand that he is responsible for his messes, both real and someday emotional, and I believe that begins now... Don't be too hard on yourself, Mommy. It's tough on everyone, but better they learn the rules now than later.

LOVE the bawling hair cut picture. Cracks me up.

Christian Family said...

We are on the same wave length...we do time outs most of the time, but our sweet Bailey gets spankings here and there(for dangerous(running into street) things...
You are right..it is harder on the parent, but so necessary to try to raise a child that has self-control and self-discipline. Bailey will now tell us if he has done something and will tell us he needs to go to time-out for a bit.
Though it does not get easier...know that you are doing great...trying to develop a sense of right and wrong in your little one.
Also, we totally agree on explaning...we always tell Bailey why he is in time-out or why he is going to get a spanking...and then he has to tell us either at the end of time out or after his spanking. I can tell you that 100% of the time...he apologizes on his own and gives us hugs...knowing that we are going to tell him that we love him but that we did not like what he did.

Audrey T said...

Whew - this was good timing. I feel like we already need to come up with a discipline plan for Sam. He's not bad, he just pushes the limits already. We were both spanked as children, so that's definitely an option. I'm glad to know that other people struggle with this.

A is for Angela said...

I highly recommend Dobson's "Strong Willed Child" and I've heard "Bringing up Boys" is fanstastic (not that I would know!!). Dobson's theory is "shape the will without breaking the spirit" and he gives a lot of applicable advice. He suggests that spanking should begin between 15 and 18 months and untilt he age of two should only be reserved for issues that could physically harm a child....like running in to the street, touching an outlet, etc.

I think you're on the right track. I spank Emerie's little hand for outright defiance....bigger spankings (on the leg, explanation of why spanking is occuring, etc.) are for the things Dobson mentions.

Nicki W. said...

thanks everyone! you all have had some GREAT tips, but most of all, have been very encouraging. i was actually anti-spankings until i spoke with many many godly people whom i trust. please everyone feel free to keep the comments coming!

Mommyof2 said...

Cute pics. I enjoyed chatting yesterday. I wish I did not have a list of "To do's" so we could have chatted longer. You live really close. We have to get together.

miri68 said...

Wow, these are some great comments! I agree with all of them. As a teacher I can totally tell when kids are disciplined and those that aren't. I do discipline my boys, they have a Mr. No-No wooden spoon and they decide how many spanks they get and we discuss what they are getting spanked for and how much I love them and why I have to discipline them. They understand and the earlier you start it the better! Good luck and God bless!

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