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Then There are Days Like These
I will be honest with you. Motherhood drowns me somedays. I think of all my shortcomings and what I should have said. How I should have responded. How I should have been more patient. I compare myself to everyone else and what they do. Somedays, I can't seem to let the selfishness in me die. The selflessness is just not complete in me yet. Somedays I long to go do the things that I enjoy. The spoils of the flesh. Sadly, the things that leave no real satisfaction. No quench. Then I look at my little children. 
Kimberly took these for me one day a few weeks back. She is watching them for me on Mondays so I can be in a Bible Study at church. A fellowship I deeply desire. She took these pictures and when I got them, I gasped. Then, I cried. They are beautiful, of course, but they were also haunting {I mean that in a good way}.
All the time I pour into them. How much of it is really the way I should? Do they really know how I adore them?
Can I preserve their innocence as long as time will allow?
Are they certain their mommy loves them with a Christ-like love?
Do they know the depths I grieve for their happiness and sense of belonging? That I yearn for them to be everything the Lord desires of them?
Do they know that I pray I will embrace their true personalities? That they should never feel the need to hide any part of themselves from me?
I just want them to know all of this and more. And these pictures seemed to evoke this emotion in me.
And then I thought about their sweet and loving friends...I can't even begin to explain to them that these friendships are few and far. It is something that most people would love to wrap up and keep forever. 
Thank you, Kimberly for taking these. To you it was a pedicure {let's have a date night again, my treat!}. To me, it was so symbolic and emotional. Thank you, friend. You mean more to me than you will know. You have captured my children in these photos as only you can do because you know and love them as your own. 
Kimberly took these for me one day a few weeks back. She is watching them for me on Mondays so I can be in a Bible Study at church. A fellowship I deeply desire. She took these pictures and when I got them, I gasped. Then, I cried. They are beautiful, of course, but they were also haunting {I mean that in a good way}.
All the time I pour into them. How much of it is really the way I should? Do they really know how I adore them?
Can I preserve their innocence as long as time will allow?
Are they certain their mommy loves them with a Christ-like love?
Do they know the depths I grieve for their happiness and sense of belonging? That I yearn for them to be everything the Lord desires of them?
Do they know that I pray I will embrace their true personalities? That they should never feel the need to hide any part of themselves from me?
I just want them to know all of this and more. And these pictures seemed to evoke this emotion in me.
And then I thought about their sweet and loving friends...I can't even begin to explain to them that these friendships are few and far. It is something that most people would love to wrap up and keep forever. 
Thank you, Kimberly for taking these. To you it was a pedicure {let's have a date night again, my treat!}. To me, it was so symbolic and emotional. Thank you, friend. You mean more to me than you will know. You have captured my children in these photos as only you can do because you know and love them as your own. 
9 comments:
If I hadn't just cried all my tears because of all my recent shortcomings lately, this post would have made me do it. So sweet and beautiful. And I learned another prayer to pray for my little ones - that I will embrace their true personalities so they will never have to hide any part of themselves. Sweet babies you have!
Brought tears to my eyes! Beautifully said!
treasures.
These pics are beautiful! I love your words! Kimberly is AMAZING!
Chills from head to toe. I hear you with every word you typed and feel just the same way about my babies. Thanks for the sweet reminder of their preciousness! Your babies are beautiful!
oh i needed to read that today. thank you! the pictures are BEAUTIFUL!
Nic,
These pictures meant nothing about a pedicure and all about a gift I hoped to provide for you, a gift, if given to me, would have meant the world. Pictures of my precious children, from someone else, depicting their innocence and love, tender moments between siblings- that would be a gift irreplaceable in my world. Nothing monetary, in my opinion, can provide what pictures & snapshots of our children will mean to our future. Memories. That's all. And well, it only took a bit of bribery.
They are truly treasures. To you and to me. I love them dearly.
And I love what you said about them not having to hide any part of themselves from you. What a bold statement that I pray will become a true testament to my own ways in motherhood. Learning so much from you.
So truly blessed to be walking this journey with you and yours.
Wow! What a gift!! Those pictures are priceless!!
oh wow. what a sweet post...i loved how you worded SO MANY things so perfectly. thank you for such great and wonderful reminders. love you friend!
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