Diagnosis

Many of you have already heard, but the Dr. called me yesterday and verified that I do indeed have Hemochromatosis. This means that ASAP I will be giving blood weekly for a year to alleviate the iron from depositing into my liver and heart. From there, we will see how often I need to go for the rest of my life. I am not thrilled. I am so happy it is something that was caught when it was, apparently, I have had it all of my life. If it would have gone any longer, I could have had cancer, heart disease or cirrhosis of the liver. I rejoice in that fact. I rejoice that I am growing to see that my body is the Lord's and I have to rely on Him. I have to be honest though, I feel very lonely right now. There is something about having a diagnosis of a disease. A rare disease. A genetic malfunction. I drove home from HEB yesterday, with all of my organic food and flaxseed oil and acidophilus, and I felt so small. I cannot really explain it. And I know, I know, I know it could be sooooo much worse. I don't need meds or surgery--thank you, Lord! But still, my body is hurting and will be put through a new set of events. I keep thinking this cannot be me, not the health and physical fitness freak. And already? At 26. What about the unknown? What about pregnancy? What if my body can't handle merely giving blood so often. So, I did not go to anything I had planned this weekend. Brent is out of town. I was supposed to spend the weekend with Elsie and then go to a beloved friend's wedding. But I could not make myself go. I felt I needed to be alone this weekend and I think I am in mourning. I am mourning the sheer fact that it is what it is. I feel peace, don't get me wrong, even now, I am listening to Watermark sing "Knees to the Earth" and I can praise the Lord more than I ever have. Still, I needed to be alone to process it. To be in solitude and meditate on who God is to me. And who I am to Him. This mourning will pass. The sadness will pass. I am going to let it run it's course and go full force. I still believe I will be healed one day. I proclaim that. I ask you all to join me in that. Pray for me even as I give blood. Something I am not fearful of (despite Rhonda), but do not look forward to either. Thank you all for asking about me and praying. I am going to be great. I am at peace and actually look forward to growing closer to the Lord and seeing how He will use me in this whole thing. I don't plan on turning this blog into a "Poor, hemochromatosis girl" blog. I think my life will still maintain a decent bit normalcy--if it ever had any to begin with :) However, this has been on my mind, so I write to get it out of my mind. Maybe it is too vulnerable. I don't know. Anywho I do plan to blog about the everyday things and Lord knows I wish American Idol was still going on, that was an instant cure to the ol' writer's block! I want to leave you with this verse that my friend Liz sent me for encouragement. It brought tears to my eyes because it was exactly the way I am feeling.
"Hear my cry, O God;
Give heed to my prayer.
From the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint (or even when I actually faint! :) )
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been a refuge for me,
A tower of strength against the enemy.
Let me dwell in Your tent forever;
Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings."
Psalm 61:1-4